Repeat


I feel let down, sad, tearful.

Replaced.

Family-less, abandoned.

Cried.

Hopeless for being what everyone wants.

Small.

Insignificant.

Forgotten.

The waters high, Can't breathe.

Panic.

Responsible for everyone.

Taking care of all, but me.

I miss her.

Im sorry for hating you.

For choosing others over you.

For keeping my joy from you.

I just wanted someone to blame.

Never enough.

Always disappointed.

Can't sleep.

Heart races.

Breathe.

Repeat. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Pieces

     From such a young age Ive given more pieces of myself to others than I can count. People pleasing is my art form and your taking is the amount. If you ask, then I give it never thinking the cost. Throughout my life this has caused a chain reaction and my mind has been at a loss. I automatically assume you want something from me. So I start bending my boundaries little by little hoping you will see. Your hand down my shirt, your nails on my thigh. Im worthy enough for you to take but not valued at a price you can't buy. I speak sweetly in order to cater to your constant manipulations, never realizing all along there were lifelong stipulations.        Why is it that my body is the only token you're interested in taking, when my soul has been here begging for intellectual love and awaking. You hold my hand and kiss my lips, when it's all over you say you don't think its the right fit. My body was a rag doll being tossed around for your pleasure, but ...
Read more

Collide

 In the debris of my damaged life, there shines a dimly lit token of what my heart once was. It was beautiful and forgiving. It showed grace when none was given and held secrets till my mind forgot them. My flame has been wandering through time waiting for my person. Waiting for someone's soul to recognize mine as its equal yoke. Its must have. Ive learned to settle for the bare minimum because today's kindness is yesterday's red flags. Ive always heard the old love died with the elders. The lets stay and fix it kind of love. The stare each other in the eyes until your heart is clear kind of love. Never did I imagine finding such a person let alone one I can call mine. In the same way I became full of Grace and forgiveness, I became cold and bitter. I no longer cared for others and stopped putting myself first. I never felt worthy enough to consider myself to a higher standard. I allowed the world to repeatedly take from my empty cup.  Until you. You have proven to me why u...
Read more

The Silence

 The echo of a hollow breath, resilient to my call. Ears hyper fixated on every sound that falls. Your heart feels as though if it held a glass, it would be filled with the outpouring of tears that seemed to be visions of your past. Your cries are muffled by the fake smile and imprisoned by the  memories that hold you all the while.  Every thought amplified by the constant conversations being held by the demons who rule over your twisted hallucinations. Its deafening you know... The silence. We go without speaking, without feeling. Our hearts beat by without recognizing its own sound. The flame dwindles to barely a whisper, burning to the ground. My soul wanders around like a weary old drifter. The only one I want, is the only one I can't keep.  I push you away and the ice builds in my chest. As easily as I am to love Ill put your heart to the test. It won't come easy, and you'll want to walk away. Stick by me and you'll see that Silence is the only way. 
Read more